Anxiety

I hate it. I hate having an anxiety attack just because I'm having an in-depth conversation. Or because something scares me. Or because I'm drinking. I used to get them a lot when I played soccer and I went to the hospital a few times and they said it's a minor heart condition but I think it's just anxiety. My chest gets tight. My collar bone starts hurting. And sometimes I throw up. I don't want to feel like eventually I'll be taking a pill for every little issue I have but it seems to be getting that way. I should drink more water or something.

I'm glad to be leaving for the weekend. I need a break.

I'm in a mood

and I don't know how to describe it. It's definitely more negative than positive. I dunno why though.. I don't have anything upsetting happening in my life at this moment to be upset about. I wish I could pinpoint my feelings better so that I could understand why I'm feeling that way. Maybe writing here will help with this.

COS

Angela and I are leaving for Colorado on Friday. I cannot wait. This will be my 3rd time to visit but the anticipation gets better every time. I wish I lived somewhere like this. I need beauty. Not to say Texas isn't beautiful, just not the kind I want. I'm excited to take Angela because she has never seen real mountains. She tries to say Oklahoma has some that she's been to..but let's be honest..they are blips on the radar compared to the Rockies. We are going to Pike's Peak, Seven Falls, Cave of the Winds, Elephant Bar, Garden of the Gods, Manitou Cliff Dwellings, and Great Sand Dune National Park. I have never been to that park. It'll be about a 4 hour drive there because I want to take the scenic route. I hope it's amazing. I think it will be. I hope our Kia Rio or whatever amazing car the rental place gives us can make it there.

Number 1

I hate starting things like this. You have to think of a name, a title, another title, a URL. I'm sure that seems easy but we all know it's not. For at least the titles, you brainstorm quotes from songs, books, movies. Anything that sounds cool and mysterious so that people will automatically be interested in what you have to say. Well I'm not cool or mysterious, but I did put up a line from a song. And it doesn't mean a thing. My best/only bet is that no one but me will even read these things. I don't care either. I just figured I'd blog instead of write to myself in Word. I looked at the website "We Feel Fine" a few minutes ago and asked myself how I feel today and I don't feel anything. Not the empty "I don't feel anything," but the not happy, not sad, nothing really..feeling. And I like it! I am about to leave work for the day. Maybe this will help me pass the time on my ever-so-slow days.