Fence

Sometimes, when I'm driving, I'll look at big expanses of land and feel kind of..free..if you will.  I look across the plains and get this awesome "American" feeling like the sky is the limit and shit.

Then I see the fence.  The neverending fenceline that lashes my dreams of ever running through those fields.  Not that I would ever do that..but even if I wanted to, I couldn't.  It's a little disheartening and I don't know why.  I think if I want to have a truly scenic experience I'll need to make my own roads.

My lips are burning

I know that a lot of Americans are rude and have poor manners but shit, people from all over the world are just the same or worse.

My legs and feet hurt so I'm not going to write about today until later. I know that doesn't make sense.

Coming home tomorrow! Then I can be lazy alllllllllll day and never walk again :D.

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Okay, I guess I'll finish talking about the trip. Sunday morning we woke up and went to Central Park. Picturesque to say the least. Probably my favorite part of the trip. Then we went to the Met, which was awesome. Sadly, we didn't get to fully experience it since our time was so limited. After that, we walked across Central Park, by Belvedere Castle and the Great Lawn to The Museum of Science and Natural History. I wasn't interested in it at all. I can't help it. Seeing stuffed animals behind glass doesn't enthrall me. Angela loved it, though. I would have enjoyed it more if I could have spent a whole day devoted to it so I wouldn't have been spending my time wondering what other awesome shit I was missing out on outside. Um, then we went back to Times Square because Angela needed to go into the Hershey's Store, M&M World, and PopTart World. PopTart World was closed by 6 which is some bs for the city that never sleeps. We ate at Pax Wholesome Foods..eh, just food. We sat by the theater that's showing Pee-Wee Herman for a long time contemplating what to do, meandered around the square looking for souvenirs and then went back to the hotel.

Monday morning we got up really early, checked out that cemetery, drove through Brooklyn over some bridge into New Jersey on accident ($11 toll fee included), and eventually made it to Coney Island. It wasn't a big deal. I dunno why I was surprised that there were buildings all the way to the island, like there was going to be some big expanse of grass or something. Then we went back to the airport and left.

Layover in DC. Got onto a shuttle to Farragut West. Saw The White House, Washington Monument, Jefferson Memorial, Smithsonian, etc. All of their buildings are lit up so it makes you feel like you're seeing so much at night even though it's really far away.

4-hour flight home.

Follow Through

This is the start of something new, don't you agree?

Not a good new, though.

As each day passes, I realize more and more that common decency is deteriorating and will soon be an extinct human trait/ability. I know the world is a cold, hard place but you should be able to count on your family and friends. When you think about it, they're all you really have. Possessions do not count. They can't hang out with you, join you for dinner or a movie, help you through hard times, reason with you. The only worthy exception to that I can think of is books. Think about it, books are the thoughts, experiences, emotions, etc of a person so that's essentially the same thing. I'm open to suggestions of other things that can hug you when you're sad/happy/cuddly or slap you when you need a reality check .

All I'm saying is, personal connection is essential and if you treat the people closest to you like they're expendable, you'll end up losing everyone. And if you don't lose them, you'll certainly lose their respect and that's just as detrimental.

All I'm saying is, follow through.

P.S. So that you won't think I'm being hypocritical, I'm going to try my hardest to live up to my words because I know that I'm guilty of being indecent at times as well. G'night.

A seemingly simple self-request

I would stop chewing my nails if I could. And when I say chew my nails, I mean my nails and the skin around them. I have gone through so many boxes of Band-Aids it's not even funny. I can't decide whether I have an oral fixation or if I'm just super-anxious all the time. I'm sure it's a little bit of both, as with all my self-assessments. I've done it since I can remember. I stopped for like a month about a year and a half ago. I went with my mom to the spa at the Gaylord Texan and the lady there laughed when I said I wanted french tips 'cause my nails were so weak and short. I was proud of them, though.

My addiction to nail-biting/finger-chewing has helped me realize the true meaning of "I would if I could." Life concepts don't always have to come from big, traumatic events.

Well, it's a little traumatic since Band-Aids are involved.

High School Reunion?

My ten year reunion is in 2015. I have a while. I'm almost certain that by then, I'll still cringe at the thought of going. I don't want to face all the assholes from that place. Not that they were rude to me specifically. It was just hard fitting in unless you were "one of them." I definitely wasn't one of them. I wasn't in a group of friends at all. One of the most vivid memories of my high school days were eating lunch alone in the locker room bathroom stalls during my sophomore year. My main focus every day was getting through lunch. Then I was okay the rest of the day. By the time I was a junior I could go off-campus for lunch. Thank goodness. Then no one would see how alone I was.

I'm so different now. As is everyone else in the world from 5 years ago, so that's not saying much. But I'm really different. I have a girlfriend now and I had a boyfriend then. I have friends. Lots of friends. Who want to hang out with me. More than I'd like sometimes, to be honest. Now I'm craving alone time. Or have I always been alone? Just in different ways?

I haven't figured that out, yet. But I do know that I'm thankful I found a good group of friends to surround myself with. I'm also thankful for my amazing family. And for having a degree. And a job. And a home.

Having said that, fuck a reunion! I'm going to try my hardest to be able to use the excuse that I live too far away to attend. Wish me luck!