Envious

Adderall is used to help people with ADD focus. When I first tried it a while back, it did just that. I wanted to go out that night and a friend gave me 2. I took half of one (like, 5mg) and I wrote the paper I needed to write in about an hour. It was awesome. I stayed up dancing until the wee hours of the morning and didn't even feel the slightest bit tired.

Taking it now is so much different. My pills are 30 mgs. The most you can have in one pill, I think. Now, I mostly take it because I'm feeling exhausted and need to wake up and make it through the duration of my work day. It can start working relatively instantly or take an hour or two to kick in. I can always tell when it starts to work because all of a sudden I'm super lively and in the best mood. I want to make everyone happy and be their best friend forever and ever. I start texting everyone incessantly and won't shut up. I also adopt this sense of self-esteem that I don't have without it. I talk to people with more confidence and candor. I talk peoples faces off that I wouldn't speak to at all without having taken it.

Within a few hours, I've already come down from it and I'm sleepy. I could literally nap 3 hours later if I wanted. Being able to do that seems crazy to me. Oh well, maybe not. A few side-effects that accompany adderall are dry mouth, headaches, loss of appetite, and irritability. I also experience some other things but I won't discuss those here, haha.

I think I wanted to write about this because I envy those few people who can be "up" without taking something like adderall. My best example to that is Reice. Sure, he's sleepy in the morning and annoyed when annoying things happen, but overall he's genuinely high-spirited. In a good mood probably 90% of the time, even if he's going through hard times. He's very positive and has the "what's going to happen will happen and I can't stop it so I'll be content in my life until then" mentality. I'm jealous. I'm a worry-wart.

I wish I could be ecstatic and ballsy and witty without a damn pill helping me. And for more than a short period of time. I say that because a lot of times I'll regret things that I've offered or agreed to do after the addy has stopped working. I do it ALL THE TIME. I should at least realize that I don't have to be a saint whilst in an amazing mood! But no. Until I can learn how to be content without a substance, I may as well use it unwisely. :)