Currently Reading

Say it.

Specificity.

Monarchies

How were they originated? How did royal families become royal? Did someone wake up one day and decide that they'd be supreme ruler and everyone would just follow their lead? Maybe a family conspired and took over and that's how they became royal. I dunno.

Part 2

9/4/10 - 11:39pm

I have a lot to say but I’m too focused on the awful sound coming from outside. It’s like the sound of a cat vomiting extremely loud every minute or so. Last night was scary ‘cause there were no blinds on the doors leading to the porch.

Where to begin? Hmm. I was woken up this morning about 6am by Jake continuously saying "the sun is about to rise" for like an hour. He’s very repetitive, as you will learn. At 9am, BJ and I went to Abe Lincoln’s Library and Museum. It’s new as of about 2 years ago. It was very interesting and state-of-the-art. Lincoln was a very beloved and hated president, as all presidents are, but much more memorable. Why is that? Because he was president during the Civil War? Or his defining looks? Or something else? Who knows. JFK seems to be the only other one who gets close to him popularity-wise and they aren’t even comparable because Lincoln was 100 years before Kennedy and therefore kind of mythical and romantic.

After I spent entirely too long in the gift shop, BJ took me by his work and then to Lincoln’s tomb. It was pretty neat to see where he had been buried. I was five feet from his bones! The cemetery is the most beautiful one I’ve ever seen, if you can call one that. 150 year old tombstones everywhere. Different shapes, sizes. The grounds were all different levels, very hilly. Lots of trees.

We came back to the house to eat lunch and then went bowling. That was fun. After every single ball Jake rolled, he’d come high-five BJ, Becky, and me. We started at one high-five per ball rolled and it kept adding on until we would double high-five five times before he’d go again. His high-fives are powerful, too. I’m sore. Then we went to "Lake Park" at Lake Springfield. Such an original name for a park at a lake.

Came home. Did some PowerWheels Jeep 4-wheeling which brought me back to my childhood when I sported a sweet maroon one. Fuck the Barbie shit! Took a nice nap even through Jake’s constant rambling. Then saw "Going the Distance" and ate Mexican with Becky. I even got a margarita. I didn’t think I’d have any alcohol this trip. Glad I was wrong!

I have the decision of whether or not to go to church with them in the morning. She said it starts at 8am and only lasts about 45 minutes. I want to go and be respectful but I also don’t want to feel completely out of place since Catholics have so many traditions and stuff. I’ll decide in the morning.

My new flip cam thing

rawr!

in action!

At a loss

I feel like I don't have anything good to talk about lately. I don't feel like talking about what I got for Christmas or how much the Cowboys suck this year. Not that those subjects aren't fun. I just don't feel like indulging anyone with what color my new v-neck is or how much I hate Buehler.

Hmmmmmm. I just sat here for five minutes and all I could think to talk about is the weather. Yeah.

I probably shouldn't even celebrate Christmas

but who would say no to gifts?!

I like to think that I'm a full-fledged non-believer but I can't see myself not celebrating Christmas. After all, Christmas is really just the one day of the year to buy gifts for family and friends for no reason. Jesus is not the reason for the season. Even if he did exist and was born on December 25th, buying a $20 gift card to Target for someone and receiving a $20 gift card to Target from someone doesn't really symbolize the birth of Jesus. To me at least. It's really a consumer thing and I'm an avid consumer so saying no to Christmas would be plain dumb because no one says no to gift cards or stocking stuffers.

Buckle Down

After say..January.. I need to start saving like every extra penny I have. I'll be living alone starting May or so and seeing as NONE of the furniture is mine (minus the table and bed), I'll need a lot of new stuff. I hate imagining never going out and putting all my money towards bills but I think I'll be happy to have a place that is entirely mine. I also need work clothes of my own. Suck! Hopefully my friends will be accepting of the fact that I literally won't be able to go out, ever haha. And I don't mean that in an excuse OR pity-party kind of way. Just a broke-ass way!

Take Me Home Tonight

Top Stories on CNN

• Author of 'how-to' for pedophiles arrested
• California man charged with trying to sell military jet to Iran
• 65-year-old man's body parts strewn across 3 Florida counties
• Police try to protect 'Baby Jesus'

I need

more tattooos!

Currently Reading

"It now remains to be seen what are the methods and rules for a prince as regards his subjects and friends. And as I know that many have written of this, I fear that my writing about it may be deemed presumptuous, differing as I do, especially in this matter, from the opinions of others. Buy my intention being to write something of use to those who understand, it appears to me more proper to go to the real truth of the matter than to its imagination; and many have imagined republics and principalities which have never been seen or known to exist in reality; for how we live is so far removed from how we ought to live, that he who abandons what is done for what ought to be done, will rather learn to bring about his own ruin than his preservation."

Forever

Everyone knows that "normal" is completely relative but just yesterday I decided that "forever" is, too. Neither have a concrete meaning. What brought this to mind was hearing the song 'Forever' by Ben Harper and then thinking about a quote I recently read: "I wonder if it's possible to have a love affair that lasts forever." Before having thoroughly thought about the word "forever," the song and quote were very sweet and cute in my mind. They still are, but only in a mythical sense.

***Dictionary definition: for everlasting time, eternally.
First, you'd have to believe that forever is real. Forever of what? The Earth, heaven, your soul, love? Who knows. And say you believe that your soul lasts forever in heaven, do you reaaaallly want to live forever***? That's a long time. I know I'd get bored.
Second, you may think of forever as being your time on Earth. Well, a love affair that lasts forever would have to have started at birth (I'll skip conception). So maybe the love affair is a plutonic family-love you have for your mom and/or dad. That's cool.

I don't have a paragraph that wraps this all together, sorry.

Creep

Their website says they are performing at SXSW 2011! I have to go.

Devoid of Communication

Void and devoid are synonymous. How lame.

I haven't been texting lately. Like, at all. Not out of sadness or anything like that. I just haven't been in a texting-my-ass-off mood. It may have to do with the fact that I haven't been taking adderall lately which I'm very happy about.

Anyway, just saying that so no one thinks I'm disappearing into nothingness or being distant.

Work or Words

I can't decide which I like more.

Taxicab-Yellow

I looked up (Googled for 5 seconds) if there's an actual word for that color and one didn't show up within that time frame so taxicab-yellow it is.

I don't think there's another color that can be associated with just one thing. Angela said school buses are upon which "school bus-yellow" was replied. I don't like seeing regular cars colored taxicab-yellow because it's just not right. Only cabs can be taxicab-yellow.

Don't be jealous that you didn't think of this deep, thought-provoking entry! Wahaha goodnight.

In My Veins

Not feelin' it

Barbara Walters is doing her annual "Top 10 Most Fascinating People of the Year" show.

10. Betty White

9. Mark Zuckerberg

8. Justin Beiber

7. Jersey Shore

6. Sandra Bullock

5. Jennifer Lopez

4. LeBron James

3. Kate Middleton

2. Sarah Palin

1. General Patreus

I'm not feelin' it. I'm not social-world savvy but I think some/most of those people aren't worthy. I feel like it should be called "Top Trending Celebrities of 2010." Having said that, I guess I should come up with my own list since I'm so quick to disagree with BW. I'll try not to decide via personal opinion. I'm somewhat cheating because some won't be people, but events. Okay, go:

10. Lady Gaga

9. Liu Xiaobo

8. Antoine Dodson

7. World Cup

6. Ryan Murphy

5. WikiLeaks Hacktivists

4. Haiti Earthquake

3. Steve Jobs

2. Mark Zuckerburg

1. Julian Assange

Here's a radical idea: Let's focus less on actor/singer celebrities and more on people who really do make a difference. "Regular folk" don't get enough credit for what they do. Don't even get me started on the fact that Jersey Shore or J-Lo were on her list.

Breaking the Habit

Have you noticed that people always sit in the same seat in class even if seats haven't been assigned? I guess it's a comfort thing. Can't disrupt the flow.

In relation to that, I've noticed that I blog in twos. In order to stop this habit, I'm making another post.

I am going to talk about the word "they." It's used all the time. Refer to my previous blog for an example. We say "they, blah, blah, blah." Who the fuck are they? And how come they're all-knowing? They know this and they know that and they have the answers to everything. They are information whores and need to share the wealth. Selfish bitches.

(Dear Jordan, see..my blogs aren't good. Mostly idiotic ramblings, like I said. :))

Scrilla!

It makes the world go round, as they say.

It is the source, framework, and reason for everything.

It sends you on all-inclusive vacations. Or a night at a Motel 6.

It buys a lavish car. Or a subway pass.

It provides Filet Mignon. Or McDonald's.

It's the difference between having electricity or not. Being warm or freezing. Living and dying.

I fucking hate it.

I have to admit

I'm only writing because I need to let my hair dry a little bit before I go to bed. Otherwise I'll wake up to complete madness and my hair is too short right now to make it salvageable.

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, that's a lot of m's.

I can already tell that I'll have to delete this tomorrow due to the lack of intelligence that is currently being brought to the table.

______________

Jill and my dad are coming to have lunch with me tomorrow and if we see that damn Jesus truck following around the Good Without God bus, I'm going to say something. Earlier today, when I saw the truck with the quote "It's okay. I still love you. - God" following the bus everywhere, my immediate thoughts were how insecure that makes those particular Christians sponsoring the truck seem. There's one single bus in the entire city of Fort Worth with an atheist quote on it and you feel the need to spend money advertising your beliefs against it? We know your fucking beliefs. They are thrown into our faces daily. So if someone else wants to state theirs in a relatively small way, let them. Mind your own business. Pray about it. But stop trying to start a fight with a fucking advertisement. If you get to parade around your beliefs like you own the place, the least you can do is let someone else peacefully state theirs. Rant, over.

______________

I'm happy to say that I've consistently liked Natalie Portman for at least 4 years. That's the longest, uh, appreciation I've ever had for someone. Thanksgiving night, Jordan made the comment about how certain celebrities wouldn't be hot or sexy if they weren't celebrities and I'm pretty certain Natalie Portman was her example. I'm sure after seeing Black Swan, she is taking that back :). She has killer looks, intelligence, and acting skills. Okay, I'll stop gushing over a stranger now.

Goodnight!

The Barber's

Reice and I are going to Houston this weekend to visit Steph, Scott and the newest addition to their family, Alaina. Scott's birthday is coming up and Steph has concocted a surprise party. I was going to post this later in the week but I can't wait. I'll start by saying how I met them.

I got a job at Starbucks in August 2006. Stephanie was a shift-leader and I was just a peon who worked night shifts because of school. Steph and I became close when she worked night shifts for a while. She was quiet and sweet and the hardest worker I've ever met. I was promoted to shift-leader pretty quickly and had to learn to open the store, do the deposit, etc. and she was the one who was going to train me. I remember coming into work one Sunday still drunk (the store opened at 5 a.m.) and she was awesome about it. Ultimate way to bond, if I do say so myself. We've had many good times together. I loved how she'd say everything was "so freaking cute/adorable," no matter how uncute or unadorable it was. I love how she called me "Little Princess." She's literally danced the night away with me at Station 4. We've spent Valentine's Day together drinking alcoholic slurpees in her bathroom. We've stayed up until the wee hours of the morning singing songs with Reice. "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" was a favorite. She has a beautiful, Regina Spektor-esque voice.

On to Scott. He was an ASM at another store and transferred to ours. I don't really know why but thank goodness because he was the best thing that happened to that store. Actually, I do know why he came to our store. To meet Steph. He's probably the funniest person I've ever met. He's genuine, silly, intelligent, and a part-time actor. An all-around good person to be around. The store could be in utter mayhem and he'd show up and everyones demeanor would immediately change into laughter and good times. I'll never forget his heinous handwriting. Or the time he slapped Cameron with a hot caramel pack and it burst open all over him. Or how we'd come up with as many rhymes synonymous with "hit it and quit it" as we possibly could. And then write them on boxes in the back room. I'll never forget the time we went to dinner at On the Border and he told me that he knew he should end up with someone like Stephanie.

How Stephanie Hunter became Stephanie Barber

From the moment Scott stepped into our store, Stephanie became a different person. She lit up around him. I don't believe in love at first site but she is my only exception to that. She'd talk to me all the time about how charming and funny he was. About once a day she'd go, "I just love him." She wanted him but I don't think she ever thought she'd get to have him. Especially when you consider that he didn't know she had even the slightest bit of a crush on him. If I were to go back to 2007 and tell her what her future had in store, she'd probably faint.

Fast-forward a few months. One day when I wasn't working but visiting the store as I often did to see her, she went on a break with me and told me that they were seeing each other. I almost fell out of my chair. I didn't tell anyone because they were co-workers and that is looked down upon in most companies, as is commonly known. I didn't even let Scott know I knew. Another few months passed and it gradually became obvious they were together because they spent every waking moment together. The next thing I remember was getting a call from Stephanie one night. Scott had proposed. I almost swerved off the road. They got married last October. It was a beautiful wedding. I got to be a bridesmaid. I gave a drunken impromptu speech about hoping them all the best and knowing it was true, real love. I hope that's what I said, at least. They moved into a house in Houston a few months later near Scott's family.

Alaina Grace

Last December I had a graduation dinner and Stephanie came. Reice made a joke about her not drinking because she was pregnant and her shy response confirmed that he was correct. I didn't hear and she didn't want me to know yet because it was my night but Reice knew he couldn't keep it from me so she told me about 14 seconds later. I almost passed out on top of my fajitas.

We are meeting Alaina Saturday for the first time and I'm so excited. I've never been so happy for two people. I know I didn't describe this entry as poetically as the story truly is, but their relationship and love have been a fairy-tale in my eyes and in my heart. I truly wish them infinite happiness and I hope they last forever. They deserve it. I may even cry when I see them. I love them both so much.

For Now

Favorite Movies:

1. V for Vendetta
2. Inception
3. Shawshank Redemption
4. Black Swan
5. Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Favorite Music:

1. William Fitzsimmons
2. Peter Bradley Adams
3. Sara Bareilles
4. Amos Lee
5. Boyce Avenue

Favorite Books:

1. Eat, Pray, Love
2. The God Delusion
3. The End of Faith
4. Siddhartha
5. Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast

I have a 19% chance of becoming schizophrenic

"There is (also) evidence that some people believe in the probability of an event by the vividness with which they can imagine it." -Wolpert

Every time it storms, my mind decides that the more I think about lightning striking me, the more likely the chances are that it will occur. I start thinking about all of the electronic devices or metal that I have on me. Or the fact that I'm holding an umbrella, also dubbed a lightning rod. I think of the time my professor missed school for about a week because lightning had struck through his living room, narrowly missing his dogs. I even go so far as to think of the quote (not so sure if it's a viable statistic) "more people die being struck by lightning than in plane crashes."

Referring to the title of this entry, it's true. 19% isn't a lot. Unless you think of it as 1/5 of 100%. Or, more than zero. I don't know how reliable this statistic is, either, but when I'm fixating on it, that doesn't really matter. I feel like the more I dwell on the fact that I have a chance of exhibiting schizophrenic symptoms sometime in my life, the likelier it is to happen.

On a lighter note, another excerpt from the book discussed symptoms people have had from mania. A gentleman had decided he was a lion and went into a restaurant and ate raw meat. A lady bought a collection of Penguin books to start up a penguin colony. That cracks me up even though it shouldn't, considering mania is a type of intense depression.

Quick question

I completely believe in evolution, don't get me wrong, but...if the idea of an ape becoming a human over the ages is true, why aren't there stages of ape-humans in existence today? Know what I mean? There are apes and there are humans but I don't know of any mammals that look like a mix of the two. I would think that there would be a whole slew of "in the middles."

I'm just baffled that, with this theory being true, the two species are at opposite ends of the ape to human spectrum. I understand that one had to become the other but having nothing in between confuses me. I'm sure there is an answer to this, I just can't figure it out.

The Promise

Brandon Williamson

I don't even know where to begin. We dated on and off from 8th grade until we graduated high school in 2005. I won't delve into the details of why we aren't together because that would be insulting your common sense, but I will say this...

While he may have been my only actual boyfriend, I know in my heart he'd still have been better than any other guy I could have dated. I don't believe that you can know anything is 100% factual or plausible so I'll just say that I know Brandon is 99.99% perfect. Like, really. I'm not one of those people who think everyone is trustworthy and naturally good in their heart. Most of the time, I get "bad vibes" from people and they turn out to be somewhat true. In Brandon's case, I know for a fact that he will be faithful and honest and kind-hearted as long as he lives. He's a true gentleman.

I regret hurting him. There have been times I wish I could take it back. But then I realized that I'd be hurting us both if I ever tried to. I loved us but I know I could never give him what he truly needs.

I went to his wedding last year. It was really kind of sad 'cause I knew that could've been me. Brandon & Krista Williamson. Nah...I adore the guy but he loves Jesus and wants to procreate. Yikes:).

Bitter/Not Sweet

It's hard to write down my emotions because they change from one second to the next. In five minutes, these feelings will have subsided and I'll be fine. Then, they will come back. They always come back. It may takes weeks or months, but they always do.

Sometimes I feel like I'm holding onto something. Holding onto something that I never had in the first place. Holding onto nothing. A thought.. a brief moment where I felt wanted.

It's not about attraction or lust. It's about not succeeding. Not being "that person" for someone. For most people, when someone is distant, they try harder to keep that person close to them. They go the extra distance to show how much they care. Love obviously played a huge part, but the other part was the need to feel like I changed someone for the better. I didn't and that kills me. It shouldn't. It shouldn't because they aren't worth it. And not even in a mean way. They just aren't worth me breaking my own heart over. Especially if it's mostly about me, anyway.

Although I have brief, bitter, sad moments, I am okay and I've been okay since I walked away.

It's easy to walk away when there was no one to walk away from in the first place.

Katie overload

I know I posted about her recently but I'm pretty sure I could talk about her for the rest of my life and it still wouldn't suffice for the attention she's deserved. Anyway, she's adorable and this is why:

The 2 people who read this will understand :).

Finished Product!

Awesome!!!